So, the every other day bonking sessions don't seem to be working for us. Two coffee group members are up the duff after only trying 2-3 months. What is wrong with me?! We have been trying 6 months so i go to the doctor. What is the deal, doc? Evidently, couples of our age should expect it to take up to a year. Relax, it will happen, keep trying. If it doesn't in 6 month time, we'll order some tests.
All was ok though, there was only lady in the group who wanted a big age gap between her kids and wasn't trying until her kid was closer to the age of 3. So, the pressure was off, it will happen, her and I will be pregnant together and it will be awesome. Our fertility schedules were even at the same time. We were on the two week wait together. I remember it vividly, at the zoo. It was brought up by one of the others how it was going, i looked at her and she was blushing. First month success! Whilst i was very happy for her b/c i love her it was a huge blow to me. All of a sudden i felt like the barren outsider. I was the only non-pregnant person in the group. Literally EVERY other person had a baby growing in their belly.
But, i put on a brave face and got through that day at the zoo. Then, in the car on the way home i cried. I think it was the first time i cried about this baby shit. For the first time fear set in that I was going to miss the second baby bus. For the first time i feared that i may only have one child.
I am thankful that one coffee group member was going through the same deal as myself. Though she moved to another town. Her and I bonded over the horror of this not being able to get pregnant stuff. I think our bond is deep, as the pain felt with secondary infertility can't be explained in words. As much as I absolutely hate that my dear friend has gone on this journey with me, on the other hand, I am so thankful to of had her in my life. The bond and friendship and challenges, little did we know, would carry on for years.
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